I received a complimentary copy of the book for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own. This post may contain affiliate links and I may earn a small commission from any purchases made.
All the Feels - Discover Why Emotions Are (Mostly) Awesome and How to Untangle Them When They’re Not
Adapted from All the Feels: Discover Why Emotions Are (Mostly) Awesome and How to Untangle Them When They’re Not by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, releasing from Tyndale House Publishers in September of 2020.
Flashback to several years ago: I’m in my early twenties, a newlywed who is also newly employed and newly moved away from family. Away from my roots. Away from all that feels familiar and safe. Kevin is driving us home one night and I’m upset about something—maybe it’s a surge of homesickness or a guilty conscience in my walk with God or the way I can never get the chicken to finish cooking at the same time as the vegetables—but whatever the reason, the feelings are flowing.
Kevin pulls the car into our driveway, and we sit there idling for a while. He listens and tries to help, but I somehow manage to bat away all his comforting words with my own discouraging ones. It’s not that simple; that doesn’t make it go away; I don’t feel any better. At last he takes a deep breath and points to our snug brick rental home, its front porch lights twinkling a warm welcome. “You see that house?” he says, waiting till I look up.
I nod.
“That is the Happy House,” he says. “And only happy people are allowed inside.” He grins, softening the words so I know it’s kind of a joke. “I know you need some time to yourself to pray and sort all this”—he wiggles his fingers in circles near my heart—“out, so I’ll give you time. Now I’m going inside the Happy House, because I choose to be happy. We have each other, and God loves us. The world isn’t perfect, but it’s still a pretty great place, and I hope you’ll take a minute to just pray, leave it all with God, and then come join me inside.”
He leans in to kiss me on the forehead. I give a reluctant sniffle-snort in response and watch his tall frame walk into the house. The Happy House, I correct myself, rolling my eyes with an almost-smile.
Alone in the dark car, I ponder his words, his wisdom, his relentless optimism. I mumble my irritation. Joy seems so easy for him; why is it always so complicated for me?
My wiser-than-his-twentysomething-years husband had only just begun teaching me a lesson I am still working to embrace today: we can learn to put boundaries on our feelings. That’s not to say that God expects us to be happy all the time or that we should stuff down negative feelings. But we don’t have to let dark feelings dominate us, defeat us, define us. We can refuse to invite certain toxic emotions into our homes—or demand that they leave if they force their way inside. When we learn how to do that, any house can become a happy house.
So what are the key ingredients in keeping your house happy—and emotionally healthy? In some ways this is a complex question, but ultimately it boils down to three words: selflessness, self-awareness, and self-control.
Selflessness
When we are experiencing intense feelings, it can be difficult to look past our own emotions to notice and validate others’ feelings. And yet God calls us to a life of selflessness. This isn’t to suggest that we ignore our own feelings, of course, but we are also called to pay attention to others’ needs. How wise our Creator is! How well he understands what makes us thrive. He designed us to give, and we are always happier and healthier when we do.
In one of God’s beautiful paradoxes, selflessness is one of the best things we can do for ourselves! When I take my eyes off my own problems and moods in order to focus on meeting others’ needs, I am always amazed at how my own problems seem smaller and my own emotional state improves. As Paul reminds us, selflessness is at the core of our faith:
Never act from motives of rivalry or personal vanity, but in humility think more of each other than you do of yourselves. None of you should think only of his own affairs, but should learn to see things from other people’s point of view. Philippians 2:3-4, PHILLIPS
Self-Awareness
Jesus’ half-brother James encourages us to remain self-aware:
Don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. James 1:22-25, NLT
Self-awareness saves our relationships! Emotion can be both blinding and distorting: it inflates our own sense of importance by magnifying our problems—not to mention magnifying the weaknesses of others. But when we are self-aware—mindful of our own tendencies, strengths, and weaknesses—we are able to keep our own concerns in a healthy perspective. Self-awareness allows us to make a more fair-minded evaluation of ourselves—and others. Self-awareness helps us remove the proverbial planks from our own eyes before pointing out infinitesimal specks in the eyes of the people we love (Matthew 7:3-5).
Self-Control
Peter urges us to embrace self-control:
Prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. . . . Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 1 Peter 1:13, 4:7
We exercise emotional self-control when we acknowledge and deal with our feelings, yet also give them godly boundaries. We exercise self-control when we protect our children or other vulnerable people from overhearing us unpack painful feelings, when we take our hurt and anger to God rather than directing them toward the people we live with and love most.
Practically speaking, what do selflessness, self-awareness, and self-control look like at home? How might we apply these traits in everyday interactions with family members and roommates?
We deliberately and consistently use our gifts of sensitivity and compassion to encourage, comfort, console, and uplift the people we live with.
We remain self-aware when strong feelings arise. We exercise wisdom for when and how we communicate our feelings—not simply unpacking all our emotional baggage on the doormat the moment we get home.
We exercise self-control with our behavior and words, careful not to jerk our loved ones around whenever our feelings fluctuate.
We resist the temptation (and what a temptation it is!) to withdraw into our own thoughts and feelings. We take our eyes off our own feelings to ask, “How are you doing? What’s going on with you?”
We choose joy when our loved ones need us to. Even on days when we don’t feel joyful, we decide to be present anyway. To engage. To listen. Even to laugh. To set aside our own burdens for the sake of the people we love.
And perhaps most important, we apologize when we realize we’ve become self-focused. (And we all have moments when we lose ourselves in our own feelings.) Let us never underestimate the great power in two small words: “I’m sorry.”
Selflessness, self-awareness, and self-control. I know embracing these qualities is much easier said than done! We all face days when we allow the powerful undertow of our sensitivities to drag us under and hold us down. But we can fight to swim back to the surface and try again the next day. The effort is worth it. Worth praying about. Worth the extra effort on extra emotional days. Because after salvation, a happy home is perhaps the greatest treasure God offers this side of heaven.
All the Feels - Book Feature
Emotions—love them or hate them, we’ve all got them.
And we’ve all got to figure out what to do with them. But wait—can we do anything about our emotions? Can we learn how to identify, express, experience—and yes, sometimes wrangle—our feelings in order to live a vibrant, healthy, fruitful life for Jesus?
In All the Feels, author Elizabeth Laing Thompson uses her experiences as a big feeler to encourage and equip different kinds of feelers with the biblical perspectives, practical tools, and scriptural reservoir they need. As a woman who has lived every day of her life having All The Big Feelings All The Day Long, Elizabeth knows what it’s like to live life through our emotions—and how important it is to understand, take control of, and grow from those emotions. Whether you have a sensitive soul with more feelings than you know how to name, a logical personality that doesn’t quite know what to do with feelings, or a steady flow of emotions somewhere in the middle, All the Feels will help you
discover your own God-designed “feelings style” and how it impacts your life and relationships,
distinguish fact from feeling and figure out which feelings you can trust, and
understand which emotional gifts God wants you to expand, explore, and enjoy.
Get ready to throw open the doors of your heart, bringing God to your emotions and your emotions to God—the One who invented feelings and who always welcomes yours.
Buy the Book!
About the Author
Elizabeth Laing Thompson is the author of When God Says, "Wait" and When God Says, "Go." She writes at LizzyLife.com about clinging to Christ through the chaos of daily life. As a speaker and novelist, she loves finding humor in holiness and hope in heartache. Elizabeth lives in North Carolina with her preacher husband and four spunky kids, and they make her feel humbled but happy, exhausted but exhilarated, sometimes stressed but often silly—well, you know . . . all the feels.
Within the first few pages, you'll discover a quiz to determine what type of feeler you are - Big, Steady, or Reluctant. Each one has unique strengths and gifts that we can offer others. I believe there needs to be a mixture of us to help create a balance.
For years, I let my emotions dictate who I became in my early adult years. As I've aged and built a closer relationship with God, I have come to understand that I can direct my emotions by directing my thoughts. All The Feels really digs deep into this and put it into words that I can use when trying to discuss this with family and friends.
Personally, I suffer from anxiety and this is the chapter that burrowed into my mind while reading. When I finished the book, I felt drawn to go back and read it again. The suggestion of writing down my thoughts is something I plan on implementing into my daily life. I believe it's going to be a game changer!
I fit into the category of being a Reluctant Feeler. The description perfectly fit! I believe in logic and consistency and faithfully avoid overly-emotional situations. I'm the type to step back and say, ok, how can we move forward.
Even if you're not into feeling your feelings, this is a wonderful read and resource to help find your strengths to better communicate and improve relationships.
I received a complimentary copy for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own.
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